Penis Pinatas

Nothing celebrates the joy of impending holy matrimony like taking a swing at a penis piñata, which is why they are so popular at bachelorette parties. Is there a larger point to be made about the sexual politics of a group of women beating the hell out of representations of male members? Nope. It’s just cute, slightly naughty fun.

First, you should know that most of the enjoyment of a penis piñata is first-impact visual. Set it up as a centerpiece and …Hey it’s a big cardboard dick! If you want to stop there, you already have squeezed 83% of the fun from the pinata without further effort.

Using it as an actual piñata takes more planning and effort. For example, do you have enough room to make bashing possible? A living room or finished basement with a low ceiling won’t cut it. A 10-foot by 10-foot clear area should be considered minimum.

You’ll need to fill the pinata with goodies, provide a bat-like tool to smack it, stage the game properly, and be ready to slice open the piñata if the mightiest of whacks fails to split it apart. The game is about a half hour of fun, which isn’t bad, but don’t expect it to last much longer than that.

Pinata, The Game, is very simple. Wait until the bride and guests are loosened up, but not totally hammered. Dizzy people get queasy. The hostess announces that it’s time to beat the pinata like a step-headed red child. Bride gets first crack. Cover her eyes with a blindfold, spin her around a few times, hand her the bat, and give her a push. Then everyone ducks and laughs hysterically as she careens around the room, usually nowhere near the piñata.

Once the dizziness wears off a bit, position the bride in front of the piñata, and let her take a few practice swings to get her bearings. Then everyone ducks and laughs hysterically as she careens around the room, usually nowhere near the piñata.

If she somehow manages to hit and split the piñata, all the goodies fall out and everyone dives for them. If not, there are a few choices. Let some of the guests take a turn at the piñata. You can even have two or more whackers swinging at the same time. Give the mothers of the bride and groom a shot. After all, they’ve seen first-hand the damage that a penis can do. Or just cut the pinata open now and make the goodies available to everyone. At any point, the hostess can gauge whether guests are still enjoying the game or if it’s time to move on. 

Penis piñatas are funny looking, non-realistic caricatures, that should not offend anyone, even if they live in Kentucky or South Carolina. Some are funnier-looking and better made than others. Let’s compare.

Here are some penis pinatas to choose from:

Willy Whack-It Penis Pinata

The Willy is about 18 inches high and includes a series of silly expressions that can be pinned onto its head. Give one side a leering expression, and the other a look of pure male dopiness. Willy’s “balls” are cute and in proportion to the rest of him. They also allow him to stand on his own. So he’s got that going for him, which is good.

Beat It Party Pinata
This piñata has a more distinctive look than its competition. It stands a little over 18 inches tall and is about five inches wide when filled. It fills easily from the top and will hold at least two bags of fun-sized candy. It is bright pink and covered in colorful stars so it makes a great decoration. Plus it says “Beat It” in bold lettering, so there’s no question about what to do next.

What kinds of goodies should fill your penis piñata? Use your dirty little imagination. Any type of fun- or mini-sized candy will work, of course, but why stop there? Keep the penis theme going with phallic-shaped suckers and treats. Condoms are both funny and useful. Small toys, sex-related or not, are also appropriate. And you can never go wrong with the airplane-size bottles of booze. They make your hand look so big! has instructions on how to fill a penis piñata with goodies. Basically, it’s this: use a sharp knife to cut a small three-sided flap at the top of the piñata. Pour in the goodies. Tape it back up. And you thought you weren’t handy!